Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
