the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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