The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
