My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
