That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
