I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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