with your own penis?
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
