My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
