Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
