Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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