you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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