4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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