i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
