Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
