I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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