dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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