i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Text me some of your sweat
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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