She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
