I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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