You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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