In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
