We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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