My Higher Power is John Stamos
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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