dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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