So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
