didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
