My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
