Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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