well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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