We won't sleep together?
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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