Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
