I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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