coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
