I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
