how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
