The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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