She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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