Yo dont text me then not text me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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