you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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