You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
