I've blown a few things in my day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
