I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
