Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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