so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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