The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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