I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
