So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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