his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
