I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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