I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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