we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
