Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
