im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
